I recently read The Honest Mommy blog post, The As Seen On TV Addiction, where she chronicles her susceptibility to infomercials during the sleep deprived months after giving birth. This got me thinking that it might be time for me to come out of the closet with my own personal QVC addiction. This then got me thinking even further about how annoying it is to me that the rest of you non-QVC watchers judge my people.
Background: The situation is this–I started watching QVC after a bad breakup in my early 20s when I was emotionally unstable and every other TV show with any plot at all made me start crying. I’m talking Young and Restless to Saved By The Bell. Everything went away and was replaced by my reliably unemotional QVC. I moved on from the breakup but by then I had made a deep connection with Diamonique and Breezies bras that would last a lifetime.
The minor annoyance here is that people judge us. There are some major assumptions that make me (and my people) hesitate to reveal where we got an item of clothing or jewelry when asked and we certainly have to plan major cover up stories when we disappear for a get-away weekend in lovely West Chester PA to tour the studio and visit the studio store. To address this, I am going to first reveal myself to you for who I really am.
1. I average about 90 minutes of QVC per day but if I were single and childless (and sometimes I wish I was during Christmas in July or a 2-3 hour Quacker Factory event), I would pretty much have it on 24/7 (at least in the background).
2. I have been known to DVR shows on QVC for watching later. The odd thing was that I wasn’t really sure the first time I did this if the DVR worked on those types of channels (I am also electronically illiterate). DVR’d Q is for when I am expecting some alone time when I can watch, but I know the programming will be something super boring like hours of Sleep Number beds, BOSE sound systems or Dyson vacuums. I’m not saying that I don’t want these items, because after seeing them presented so many times, I am now sure they are completely awesome and essential to my very existence, but they are boring to see presented for an hour at a time.
3. I know all of the hosts names and probably more about the them than any 38 year old female should know. I know which Dan is which, I know who is pregnant, who has pets, the brands and products each host typically sells and their catch phrases. They are as Wendy Williams says, my ‘friends in my head’. This may be why in my 20’s I went to the QVC studios and actually auditioned to be a host during an open call requiring me to wait in a 500 person+ line overflowing with B.-Makowsky-purse-holding, bare-minerals-and-liquid-knit-wearing women. I’m still waiting for my callback.
And next I will attempt to dispell some of the misconceptions judgers have about my people.
Misconception #1 – QVC watchers also watch The Home Shopping Network (HSN) and Infomercials – I’m sure there are some that do, but I am a TV sales snob and we QVC loyals know that those other options are not even in the same league. They appear to be merely plaid-wearing used car salesmen when compared to my Mary Beth Rowe or David Venable. I know that HSN is a sales channel to QVC because I have seen it on the screen guide, but I have never watched and dislike that it lurks so near my channel with its Jessica Simpson shoes and its Big Buddha bags. There is a smaller dissenting group among us who tosses out HSN items and statistics at QVC events (such as the In The Kitchen With David Weekend that I have twice attended) as if to brag that they watch both channels, when they should be ashamed to reveal this information. Do these people have no taste?
Misconception #2 – QVC watchers are hoarders – If you have ever watched, you will hear the hosts calling out stats like — “900 have already sold” or “Over half our quantities are gone”. If you assume that there are watchers and non-watchers and that watchers are a select group of weirdos, you may come to the conclusion that the same people are buying tons of shit over and over. The reality is that QVC is gigant-ass and 900 people is but a tiny drop in the huge bucket of QVC buyers. I average about 2 purchases a month (some of them gifts) and I know many others who do the same. That said, I’m sure that Hoarders show could have a whole separate show called Hoarders: QVC Edition.
Misconception #3 – QVC watchers are old lonely cat ladies – This is perpetuated by the fact that 95% of the testimonial callers talk more about their recent hip replacements and Rascal scooters than they do about the Poo-Pourri bathroom deoderizer they are calling in to rave about. I am 38, hate cats and fantasize about being lonely because no one in my house ever leaves me alone. Oh, and all QVC watchers are not women either. Some of us make our husband’s watch.
In closing: Lady in front of me in line at Kohl’s — I see your Joan Rivers Classic Long Sleeve Houndstooth Blazer. I know it was a Today’s Special Value (TSV) because I placed it on my wish list in brown/camel that day and I covet it. I’m not going to say anything because I know you may still be in the closet, but I know your secret and I embrace you.
P.S. If you think I am B.S.-ing, here is a photo of me in the audience of a QVC show during one of my trips there a few years back. I learned how to avoid the triple chin that the camera can give during my first visit, so here I have only a double or maybe even a single and a half.
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