I’m not a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. It was fun when I was younger had and a boyfriend I guess — I ‘m a cancer, so I kept boyfriends for a long time and was always covered for the love holiday, but now that I am married (again) with 2 kids, it has just lost some of its appeal. I lump it in with New Years, in that there might be some good food involved, but otherwise it is a day that tries to force something that always ends up being better enjoyed on a day when you least expect it. I started thinking about when Valentine’s Day lost its appeal and when I made peace with it and scientifically came up with my Valentine’s Day Evolution.
Visually, think of the evolution of man drawing from ape to Homo erectus, but with a perky little cupid slowly changing over to a hunched little old man whose wings are tired and worn from the wrong kind of flower, non-brand chocolates with non-descript soapy-tasting centers and a couple of unexpected arrows to the bum. Then, cupid un-hunches and starts to stand up straight again at the end, thank goodness.
Age 5: ♥ paper valentines from everyone in class ♥ party with sweets at school ♥ mom decorates the house ♥ grandpa Lee always give chocolates
Age 6-10: ♥ mom dyes things pink at dinner — milk, mashed potatoes etc. ♥ school parties ♥ grandpa lee adds cash to the expected chocolate gift ♥ receiving valentines and doing a debrief with my sister on the best and worst after school is fun ♥ rich kids include treats with their valentines — score! ♥ a few nerdy boys are locked in to love me every year — i don’t love them back ♥ make lists with best friend about cutest boys, icky-est boys and whose boogers would be the grossest if you absolutely had to eat them
Age 11-14: ♥ the boy i like doesn’t like me back ♥ c’mon secret admirer– where are you??? ♥ never been kissed ♥ been kissed and i can only hope that boy improved on his skills later in life because that was like a ping pong ball in a blender
Age 15-23: ♥ guaranteed date with high school sweetheart of 8 years ♥ how can i best display my received gifts and gestures at school so the other girls will know and be envious? ♥ ugh, carnations ♥ sweet cards, sweet notes, flowers, attention ♥ growing up ♥ waiting for the ring ♥ Disney movie gifts for 4 years running ♥ plan weekend getaway to surprise him but realize i am interrupting basketball — he fakes being excited and purchases my gift from hotel gift shop ♥ still waiting for the ring
Age 24: ♥ dumped ♥ now i see why people hate this holiday ♥ attention seeking behavior ♥ vent with single roommate/best friend — we hate boys #ifonlywelikedeachothersbuttswecouldbecomelesbiansbutnodice
Age 25-29: new BF ♥ ready for valentine’s grand gesture ♥ long distance ♥ flowers at work — best.thing.ever. — in your face single people! ♥ how does he not know that my favorite flowers are white roses, not red? ♥ engaged! ♥ valentine’s day locked in FOREVER!!! ♥ wedding planning
Age 30-32: ♥ married for a minute ♥ he wants a divorce ♥ devastated ♥ why wasn’t i enough? ♥ all my friends are married and having kids ♥ it’s over for me ♥ old canasta-playing cat lady here i come ♥ canasta is confusing — crazy eights here i come ♥ divorced ♥ best days just around the corner
Age 33-34: ♥ where have you been? ♥ whirlwind ♥ no game playing ♥ proposes casually while he cleans the bathroom ♥ January – him: “we can get a ring” me: “nah” ♥ April – married ♥ honeymoon at the cabin better than any valentines day ♥ if i want white roses, i’ll just ask ♥ stuff dipped in chocolate – he really knows me ♥ baby #1 ♥ love
Age 33-38: ♥ baby #2 ♥ sleepless nights ♥ bad moods ♥ thank goodness he puts up with it ♥ move ♥ move again ♥ move one more time ♥ out of the baby fog ♥ plans ♥ moving again ♥ planning to dye food pink for my kids — milk, mashed potatoes etc. ♥ making pink cupcakes and decorating with my daughter ♥ practical gifts only or no gifts for husband ♥ i have some ideas ♥ i can buy my own chocolate ♥ laughing ♥ feeling loved everyday ♥ making breakfast and joking with you is better than any valentine’s day i ever had ♥ red robin for lunch and the mall with you and the kids was better than any valentines day i ever had ♥ planning an alaskan cruise that we may never take is better than any valentines day i ever had ♥ watching olympics with you is better than any Valentines Day I ever had ♥ love