This guest post is the second in our Valentine’s/Love Theme for this week. It comes from Maura McCormick over at Play Pen; The Irreverent Parents Guide. Check out her post and then visit her site to check out her other great posts. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.
Did you sigh as you shared it on your Facebook page and comment, “Learn it boys! <3”? I know one of you did because I saw it. Yeah, I know who you are.
Can I share with you what I did when I read it? Okay. First, I checked the date to make sure that it wasn’t 19fuckin20. And then I had a good laugh at Angelina Jolie’s expense thinking about what a pathetic, beautiful, tortured, talented, depressed, voluptuous, yet insecure mess she must be.
Of course, a few days later, we all found out that the post is complete bullshit. (Really wishing I could say I was smart enough to have detected that from the beginning but I’m not.)
What is also bullshit though, is the fact that so many women, and maybe men (?) shared this story on Facebook with comments encouraging men to take a page from this ‘Book of Brad’ (fictional or not). If you haven’t read this vomit inducing post in its entirety you can do so here. I don’t really want to encourage it but in order to understand my discontent, it’s important to know what I’m referring to.
So, are we really telling our partners that we need them to try to ‘please us every minute’ and ‘shower us with kisses and compliments’? I would feel like I was living with Steve Urkel. PDA preferences aside, are we suggesting that we as wives or female counterparts are so fucking insecure that we need ‘all themes turned in our direction’? Trust me, I love to be the center of attention, but when I am, it’s either because I genuinely deserve it and I’ve earned it, or I’ve had one too many martini’s and I’m making inappropriate (and hilarious) jokes about someone I don’t like.
The thing is, the ’blog post’ itself wasn’t what was so disappointing to me. There are an infinite amount of things on the internet that are so mind numbingly stupid it makes me want to kick a kitten. I’m used to it. What was disappointing was that so many people were sharing this and nodding in agreement. (You do know you don’t have to share everything right? Except for my posts. You can share the shit outta that.) But, is this what women are doing now? We’re back to relying on men to make or break our self-worth?
Don’t get me wrong. I love it when my husband buys me stuff. I love it when I catch him looking at my ass. I really love it when I hear him on the phone telling someone about Play Pen; The Irreverent Parents’ Guide and how he is proud that I am trying to make this ‘mom-blogger’ thing work.’ (Yeah, I heard it Chief. I have ears EV-ERY-WHERE)
With the exception of Chief checking out my ass (yes, it jiggles, he likes it), the rest of the stuff doesn’t happen all that often. Is it because he doesn’t love me? No. Is it because he doesn’t want to shower me with ‘kisses and gifts’? No. It’s because we live in the FUCKING REAL WORLD, people! And that is not going to break my psyche nor is it going to make me lose 30 pounds (boy, do I wish).
If you’re one of those people who enthusiastically shared this post as a message to your man friends or your significant other, I would like to offer a suggestion. If you are experiencing feelings of emptiness or depression because your significant other’s life doesn’t completely revolve around you, you might want to take a look at your relationship with yourself.
I’m guessing at some point you managed to stand on your own two feet without your significant other, right? At some point, you were probably living your own life, striving to be a better person, meet some goals, blah, blah, blah… Just because you are in a committed relationship with another person now, that shouldn’t mean you give up your commitment to yourself.
Any romantic relationship is two-sided and it is work. And yes, it becomes even more work when kids enter the picture. It is easy to get caught up in the daily grind and forget to acknowledge each other. Easier than that, is forgetting to nurture yourself. You can lose sight of the fact that you can’t be good to other people unless you’re good to yourself. It’s always a plus to have an attentive and thoughtful ‘other half’, but please remember, just because a relationship is two-sided, it doesn’t mean that each side is only a half.